Raw, Honest & Blazing With Confidence

I’m over at katetoholka.com today sharing a post that flowed from my heart and through my fingers, out into the world.

“As I stared down at the blurry tiles through my tears, I wondered how I’d gotten here (‘Here’ being the foetal position on the bathroom floor – yep…programmed by movies).

How did that bubbly girl who often got complimented on her beaming smile get to this place where she was contemplating ending the opportunity to ever smile again?… Read More

What an honour to be featured alongside other women (Lydnsey Eden,  Loveday Good and Louise Pontin) sharing raw stories. Kate is all about being a Trailblazer and healthy living as a lifestyle (word.).

Make it as you wish Adventuress,

Do You Hate A Part of Yourself Too?

Photo Credit

Warning! This post goes a little bit lovingly woowoo 🙂

Is there a part of yourself that you hate? A section of you that you fear will raise its head? Yes, hate is a strong word, but let’s be honest now. Do you have a part of yourself that you hate? I have.

That was hard for me to admit because I don’t hate anything. There is no room for hate in my life. Instead of ‘hating’ I try:

• to understand with compassion,
• to see from another point of view,
• to see through the filter of another person’s experience,

and then to express my opinion and persuade if I feel strongly enough. Ultimately I try to accept others and to let go and let live.

I have no control over other people. I can only change myself (haha, yes, this is frustrating on occasion – I’m only human after all!).

Anyways, back to the hate I have towards a part of me. That part is ANXIETY.

I’ve come to understand it from many different sides and now see it as the desperate Wake Up Call to live the life I was born to live that I truly needed to stand up and pay attention.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut. I hate how it makes me feel when it rears its head.

In those moments that it wells up in my chest, I hate.

When I fear the world going dark again, I hate.

When it lifts my heart rate and I go into fight or flight mode, I hate.

When it narrows my perspective, I hate.

When I lose my connection to who I know I can be, I hate.

When I feel the world is hopeless, I hate.

When I feel constant fear, I hate.

When feeling some of those, ahem, not so lovely things above the other day I went for a run and chanted to myself, “I am strong, healthy and happy in body, mind and soul.” and then again, “I am strong, healthy and happy in body, mind and soul” and again and again and again and again and again and again.

It didn’t quite connect at the time.

Next I went to yoga for the first time in months. I went through the motions of moving and breathing, trying to focus my distracted mind on the simple (and strenuous!) flow. It felt good to move my body and channel cleansing breath to the stagnant corners of my being.

Finally laying down in Savasana, I was trying to sit with (or ignore – I couldn’t decide which would be better) the anxious fear sensations in my chest.

A thought popped into my head: Send it love.

 

I’m willing to try anything in those uncomfortable moments, so I did.

I visualised the anxiety as a ball of dark cloud residing in my chest and I told it it was loved.

I felt the fear and told it it was loved.

I saw the darkness and told it it was loved.

I felt the hopelessness and told it it was loved.

I felt and repeated “You are loved”

 

You are loved

 

You are loved 

 

You are loved

 

You are loved

(Oh my god, big tears are falling as I write this …)

You are loved

 

You are loved 

 

You are loved

 

You are loved

 

You are loved

 

You are loved 

 

You are loved

 

You are loved

 

You are loved

 

You are loved 

 

You are loved

 

You are loved

And I felt overwhelming love and compassion for that part of me. Laying there on the mat, in a room full of yogis, I silently cried for the acceptance it felt, for the overwhelming love it finally was receiving. From it being a hated, unwanted, feared, and loathed part of me it had turned into something that I was giving love to.

It felt the love. It felt it so truly and so deeply. So it let go and transformed.

What part of yourself do you hate? Can you tell it is is loved?

Make it as you wish Adventuress

You are loved.

Feel it.

50 Random Things About Me

I took this list over from my previous site and made a couple of updates 🙂 Enjoy!

Since I love lists and I love random facts I decided to do one of these! Here are 50 Random Facts About Me:

1. My favourite flower is the oriental lillium
2. I was born in Hong Kong in 1981
3. I have two tattoos
4. I love skinny black ties
5. I was voted ‘best dressed’ in high school…in 1998
6. Is a massive lover of books. One of my favs is Daddy Long Legs
7. Once learned to play the drums…not very well…though it sounds cool doesn’t it?
8. Is a total romantic. I love The Man!
9. I continually strive for order in the physical chaos I create
10. I am messy. But I like to think that I am a organised mess maker
11. Is a stationary fiend
12. I can speak English and Australian (thanks mum and dad…I could have been brought up speaking fluent German and Chinese…but no…)
13. I’ve moved country/city approximately 15 times in my life, going to about 8 schools (entered some of them twice) and 2 universities. I don’t know how many times I moved house.
14. I can’t click my fingers
15. I have 1.5 sisters, but I love the halfie like a whole 😉
16. I am the eldest
17. I was always curious about having a brother – I’ve been told I haven’t missed much 😉
18. I went blonde once…for a day (it was really more orange)
19. I‘ve never been engaged  I’m engaged! Wedding on the 28th February 2014
20. My middle name is Bianca – not too bad hey?!
21. My left ear sticks out waaaay more than my right ear
22. I once thought the ‘shhhh’ gesture was the hello greeting (that’s what you get for growing up in hotels)
23. I grew up in beautiful five-star hotels – dad worked in them. I now live in a normal house (and unfortunately have learned to cook and clean and realise that room service is not on the other end of the phone if I dial ‘5’)
24. I once was a Brownie
25. I think I am a grandma in a young person’s body – I love to do crosswords, sudoku, cross-stitch and love old-school big band and ratpack music
26. I used to have a favourite teddy bear named Snuggy. My sister told me, years after the fact, that she had dropped him in the toilet. I don’t know where he is anymore (sob).
27. I can read maps and have a good sense of direction
28. My pet peeve is incorrect spelling (though I am probably guilty of that in my tired moments) and when people say ‘somethink’ instead of ‘something’
29. I love systems, routines, planning and organising but sometimes fall short in the implementation
30. I laugh at my own jokes – some of them are really good…really…
31. I’m not very good at looking after my hair
32. I’m finally admitting that I prefer apres-ski to the actual skiing or snowbaording
33. I once had a major crush on Edward Furlong (Eddie) from the Terminator movie way back when
34. I like to walk down the street with a smile on my face. Others find this strange
35. I cry in movies a lot. I’m also occasionally known to cry over TV adverts and the news. The Man says I would be a hopeless judge on The Voice because I would just be crying all the time.
36. Want to do so many things but sometimes find it hard to know where to start
37. I really enjoy a good cup of milky coffee. Sometimes instant is better than cafe (sorry java aficionados)
38. I like to see the good in people, in the world and in the everyday. Though sometimes my mind goes a bit foggy and these things are hard to see. I’m working on it because I think people and the world are fundamentally, awesomely and fabulously great
39. I love my good friends, but I’m not the best in keeping in contact. Luckily, the relationship is often still wonderful when we reconnect
40. None of my family live in Sydney
41. I’ve been a permanent resident of Australia since 1988
42. Was once told I could be a great actor by a producer from the BBC. Oh well…
43. Was really good at geography at high school. Really?! Yes, I was good at knowing the rainfall (also known as precipitation) in different locations around Australia
44. I’ve been slapped across the face once. By Edwina in Year 3. I still don’t know why.
45. The first album I owned was Kylie Minogues “I Should Be So Lucky” one
46. I’ve been told I snore. I’m still waiting to see if this is a fact. I don’t believe it
47. I love connecting with people
48. I love the feeling of laughing so hard you can’t stop
49. We were once asked to leave a performance due to 48.
50. I adore my family – my mum is inspirational and the source of so much good in my life, my dad is the most wonderful teddy bear, my step-dad is a fabulous crazy visionary, my sisters are my best friends.
51. I love lists 🙂 and just had to add one more to make it 51.

What are some random facts about you? I encourage you to make your own list – it’s fun!

Make it as you wish Adventuress!
Arienne